How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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