i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
