just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
