this boner is exhausting
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
