plz talk dirty to me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
