Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
