Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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