I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
