You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
