So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
