do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
