Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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