I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
