Ambien. No doubt about it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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