I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have feelings that need drinking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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