Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
