My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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