She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
