yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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