Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
