I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
