ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
