I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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