apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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