I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
