i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
