I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
