i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
