I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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