I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
