Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize