the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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