He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
