I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
