the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
