It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
