You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
