ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
