at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
