My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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