so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
