Jerry, you need to find god
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
