Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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