your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
