we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
