You smell like stripper and shame
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
