Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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