you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize