Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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