Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
