i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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