at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
