watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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