Can Purell be used as lube?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
