I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
