She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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