I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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