So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
