Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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