'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
