the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
