he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
