Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
