I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
