Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize