You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
