Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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